I can't help but feel a pang of
jealousy envy when I think about all the cool intern-y stuff that final years get to do next year. Okay, I need to stop right there. Everyone has been telling me to go home early while I can and enjoy life because it all goes pear-shaped from graduation. And I believe them. But I guess part of me needs to be thrown into the deep end. I need to take responsibility. I need to not eat lunch because I'm too busy with something important like chest compressions or securing an airway (sadly, it will probably be my pathetic attempt at cannulating a forearm for the 5th time, or retracting a calf or lip or shaving someone's pubic hair before surgery). I probably sound ungrateful for all the relative free time I have at the moment, but I guess I'm craving the need to be needed. Sometimes it feels like all I'm doing is lurking over the shoulders of residents and registrars, which let's be honest, is slightly creepy. Sort of like those criminals on NCIS who always seem to be breathing down the necks of female victims and then sniffing loudly like they're snorting a line of cocaine. It's like, Kate Moss much??
I think part of the reason I'm feeling pathologically envious is also because 1) The grads from my year are now finishing up and 2) Monash is a 5 year course, and because I'm meeting all these Monash students at the moment, it seems like heaps of people who started med the same time as me are now moving onto bigger and better things. What I need to do is stop thinking of medicine as a streamlined process whereby internship --> residency --> registrar --> fellowship --> consultant, but rather, a learning journey that never really ends, that has peaks and troughs in terms of quality of life, and that getting to consultancy is not a race. Hard to do with all these universities popping up like Notre Dame and Gippsland (wait, I think it's called Deakin) and their first bunch graduating the same year as I do. Naturally.
On the bright side, I'm looking forward to all the really cool people I'll be working with as an intern in 2012. So all in all, exciting times ahead. I really can't wait!
I am aware that in 3 years time (Kevin = resident), I will probably read this post and think: You fool! Stay in uni!